omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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