feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
