The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
