so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We left the knife in your bed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
