He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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