just tell him i said nine months
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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