hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
