my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
