i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
