you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
