I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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