I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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