You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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