Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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