Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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