Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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