Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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