I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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