4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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