She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do vagina's smell?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
