just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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