remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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