i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
