Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
