Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
