the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
