Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
