so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
