you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
