Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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