Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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