So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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