I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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