Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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