I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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