something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
