Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
