Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
