'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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