I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
