Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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