I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
