I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
