I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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