I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
