cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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