yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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