I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
being pregnant is like rehab
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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