We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
