I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
People in love make me want to vomit
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
