On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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