just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
