I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
