maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
